Recently I was a panelist in a Mama’s Who Hustle brunch, and I was reminded of how often women, and I image men as well, value themselves by some incredibly artificial measures. I was not immune to this situation. I distinctly remember a time when I had tied up a significant measure of who I was in my ability to keep a clean and pristine home. As quiet as it’s kept, I really struggle with a messy house. Having 3 kiddos can make that a difficult task as you can imagine.
Back in the day, if you were to see my house a mess, I would be a wreck over it. I felt like my reputation for cleanliness was ruined, I was a failure at homemaking and I wondered if my horrible relationships were somehow tied to the status of my house. Now, this may sound silly, and few people I know struggle with a clean home in the way that I did. But I know quite a few people who would be mortified if you caught them when they weren’t dressed, if you knew their financial woes, or if you knew what they did to get that latest phone, shoes, bag, or car. I know some folks would just die if you knew their kids struggled in school or they had marital issues or that their business isn’t as savvy as they let on. So reserve your judgment!
So think about it. What do you tie yourself to? What external, superficial thing have you attached to yourself that you allow to determine your self-worth?
When your self-worth is heavily influenced by what you think others think of you, or the outcomes you get, or the interpretations of your inner voice, or the perception of others, you create a volatile climate to mentally and emotionally exist in.
I could give you a lot of reasons this is not good. But let me hone in on one. This type of thought process kills your ability to have lasting success. When you don’t have a healthy view on yourself that is unchanging despite what others say or think, despite your current circumstance and despite the disappointments life may bring, you give up your personal power.
The way you see yourself is tied to your long-term success. Here are 3 steps to starting you on a path towards a high self-worth.
- Accept Yourself – Take time to reflect on who you are, good, bad and ugly. Think about your successes and your failures. Recall your strengths and your weaknesses. Consider your positive and negative habits. Take in all of you. All of you. And forgive yourself. And Accept yourself. This is what is it. Start with understanding and acceptance.
- Practice Self Love – Treat yourself with love and kindness. Your very humanity dictates that you will have flaws and limitations. And they create an amazing opportunity to continuously work to improve yourself. There is a difference between the desire to continually grow while loving yourself through the process and going through a downward spiral of negative self-talk and poor decisions when you come up short on your desires or outcomes. So have some compassion for yourself!
- Define yourself – You get to create your own life. Despite what happens on the outside, you control what happens on the inside. You have the personal power to respond to life based on what you truly value and have set for yourself.
Take responsibility for everything that happens to you without giving away or losing your personal power and watch your life change in some amazing ways.